Our nicknames for those two:

Tree and the Haggis Kid

loved those guys in their kilts.

Rodney "The Sheriff" Buford will always be my favorite Grizzly.

Grizz have definitely been good for some laughs.

Whenever you compare a Pole and a Scot, there's a temptation to let yourself get blinded by tremendous upside potential. Scotland is like a 4 year ACC vet (like Josh Howard), while Poland is like...well Maciej Lampe. Sure, the Scottish invented golf and cloned sheep, but the Poles always keep you guessing and danged if that solar powered flashlight hasn't put on some crazy workouts that Chad Ford watched and I paid $20 a year to read about.

With that in mind, you better back up because I'm about to whip out the stats on you.

First off, Archibald's circa- 2002-Greg-Gaston-nickname is waay better:

RoAr (as in, like a lion)
CeTry (as in, during garbage time)

RoAr scored SIX points TWICE to CeTry's lowly FIVE points twice.

He also once played twenty-FIVE minutes in a game to Trybanski's mere twenty minutes in a game.

Now granted, RoAr put up with these numbers in Toronto, which is way more cosmopolitan in Memphis. We just weren't ready a Scottish baller in this backwater.

That's what I'm talking aboot!

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The sad thing about Trybanski is that I still think he was a better pro prospect than Robert Archibald. Trybanski could block and alter shots. I'm not sure Archibald had a single NBA-level skill. He did bring friends from Scotland to sit in the stands in kilts. I suppose that's a better international entourage than George and Shuma.

Sidney Lowe dubbed him "Charlie" because he somehow found "Cezary" difficult to say.

Sidney Lowe post-game press conferences early that second season were morbidly funny.

I think any list of Grizzly funnies has got to include Cezary "Charlie" Trybanski. I guess maybe Cezary, who was part of the trade for Big Jake, could be considered a dangling sub-continent off the continent-sized sub section of Tskalides.

As is common knowledge sub-continents are typically funnier than continents. I mean how many Australian comedians are there. Name one other than Russell Crowe. There, I've stumped you (Yahoo Serious doesn't count, because he is Tasmanian, or rather Van Diemenian...actually Van Demented is more like. I don't find him funny.).

Now, think about how many Indian comedians you know. The list is endless.

Back to Cezary. Remember how we paid him $5 million for 3 years? High comedy.

On a side note, did you know that Trybanski once played 20 minutes in a game. He's also scored 5 points...twice!.

Also funny, and incidental to the Jake trade, was Robert Archibald. Now granted, we could have drafted Carlos Boozer, but I say you have to jump at the chance of having the first Scottish NBA player. We're talking about history here, not championships.

I figure that having the first Polish and Scottish players in the NBA sort of makes us like the Brooklyn Dodgers, only funnier and less monumental.

Of course, having drafted both of these men, nay, these legends, the joke was effectively over, so why not trade for big jake, who was like a joke that kept on giving (a la arrested development).

Nobody gives Jerry West credit for his combined senses of history and humor in making these selections. I only regret that he retired before we could see a Kyrgyzstani in the NBA.

Mr. Wallace, there is still work to be done. Do not disappoint us.

A friend of mine didn't believe me when I told him about the colon polyp throwing shirts in the crowd.

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Just wanted to let you know I also compared Darko to Ivan Drago when talking about him to a friend. If Darko wasn't already a cool name, the city could give him the Drago nickname. Maybe we can call him Ivan Darko.

Rudy Gay getting his headset ripped off his head.

Heisley singing the anthem

The city mayor getting resoundingly booed

A giant colon polyp throwing t-shirts in the crowd (An Ad-Council bit promoting colon cancer awareness)

Tony Barone cursing during post game press conferences which are broadcast in the arena

Shane Battier sitting on the sidewalk during a fire in the Forum

A local high school receiving an award for "50 Fight Free Days" during halftime

Streamers going off :30 before the game was over...that we lost.

...gimme another couple of days and I could write a book.

I was feeding my baby and waiting to see what Darko said at the press conference, and my wife started talking, and I turned to her and said, "Baby, the sports is coming on, and I want to see what this guy had to say." She said, "Who?" I said, "Darko, the new guy for the Grizzlies." She said, "I thought his name was Mike." I said, "That's the other new guy." So she sat and waited and watched with me, and after it was over, she said "He reminds me of the guy from Rocky Four, you know 'I will crush you'?"